Life Sucks Right Now

I'm not going to sugar coat it- right now, I pretty much hate my life. All I have going for me is my relationship with Baby Bear, which is really helping to keep me afloat. I know that part seems less than enthusiastic, which I apologize for-I'm just really pissed and venting, but it really is true. Believe me, if I had the ability to actually generate praise or positive comments right now I'd write you a novella. You're my everything. I need you to be here for me. Thank you for doing that.
However, aside from that, my life here at school is crashing around me. I'm horribly dissatisfied with my major and I'm unable to switch because one of the professors is being a complete idiot about it. I'm trying to switch from Physics to Astronomy and I want to class which I lack the pre-req for next semester so that I'm not a complete year behind. In order to do this I need approval from the teacher. Here's what she said

I've consulted with others here in Astronomy, and the recommendation
for you is to wait until next year and then take ASTR 221 and ASTR 222
in the required order. As I've mentioned to you, I've never had such
a case, and from the rate examples of students doing this in the past,
the experience has not been positive - i.e it was strong students who
ended up having difficulties with the class.

So despite the fact that my case is unique, apparently I cant take the class because I'm destined to fail or something. I have no idea what the last phrase is even trying to say. Also, I cant take my japanese class because it doesnt fit in with my schedule for my other physics courses which I'm now stuck taking. Beyond that I cant take a required physics lab because I will also inherently fail that, even though in that case, there is no pre-req. So basically I only have 3 classes for next semester and I need at least 5. Also, I'm done my gen. ed requirements and I lack the requirements for any of the more advanced physics classes that I could possibly take. Therefore I pretty much have to take two classes which will benefit me in no way, shape or form. Not to mention I cant take astr 221 or the other physics lab because they're only offered in the fall. This is not what I want to be doing with my life. I'm not here to waste my time or (luckily, since this isnt the case for most I hear) my parents money. I'm here to learn and to get a degree so I can get out and go to grad school. Instead I've been trapped by an archaic system and now I'm pretty much destined to go 5 years whether I like it or not because now I just can't catch up.

I had a plan, to get out of something that I really wasn't enjoying and try and turn my experience at school back around- to become excited again. Instead I've been fucked over and left feeling less enthusiastic than I've ever been before. If you've got any advice, words of sympathy or just feel like telling me to grow up then I'd love to hear them.
Also, as a word of caution, this is really just me putting down my frustrations on a pseudo-anonymous website. Will I be okay in a couple days or even tomorrow? Yea, probably. But right now, I couldn't be less enthusiastic about pretty much anything. I just need an escape and this is a pretty good route right now.

The Kid
~Platinum

Restless and Alienated

The Title says it all. I'll discuss this at some point in the near future. Now's just not a good time. I'm thinking after my test Tuesday once I'm out of track.
So much work... Ugh. I hate school and what it's doing to everything. What I would give to change it all.

The Kid
~Platinum

Also, I realize this is a pretty crappy return to blogging. But we all have to start somewhere. Right? God I hope so.

This seems.. familiar somehow

So. Its late(ish). I should be studying. I'm not. I don't want to say this is a common thing, but it is happening every so often. It's probably just cause I've got a lot of free time and I don't know what to do with it. So I just end up sitting around saying that I will do stuff. At some point. I just felt like sharing this. Also, I'm suffering from general apathy in a lot of areas. I miss my girlfriend, who I'm going to refer to as BB from now on. Make fun of me if you wish, but thats what I'm calling her. I know she doesn't like it, cause BB is just an abbreviation. But thats the way it is. Feel free to guess what it stands for. I'd like that. Maybe I'll explain it at some point.
But yea, I really really miss her and its hard knowing that I'm not going to get to see her until the end of November. I might go home during fall break but I don't know if that's going to happen. My parents have to be willing to foot the bill for it and convincing them to do that could be really hard. But, as much as I miss her I still love her so even though were apart I don't feel separated. Does that make sense? And I know that I'll get to see her eventually and when I do she'll be just as happy to see me as I will be to see her. All it takes is time. In the meantime I need a webcam so I can setup Skype.
That's all for now I guess. I'm gonna go try and study. Try is the operative word.

The Kid
~Platinum

Let's Fight!

I'm not entirely sure why but for the past month or so I have had the incredible urge to punch something. And not just punch something, but actually fight. Honestly I have no idea why but in those times where I'm just idling around in my room even if I'm extremely tired I just sort of pace around and shadow box. I'm not angry, I'm not depressed, I'm not harboring any sort of rage- I just want to get into an honest-to-goodness slambang no-holds barred fight just for fun. I don't even think I'd fare all that well- I just want to. Maybe it would be fun.

So, on that note I'm trying to find a way to start up MMA fighting/ Muay Thai fighting when I get to school.

The Kid
~Platinum

ShamWoW! Or something like that...

You know, part of me can understand where the Stigma of playing WoW (World of Warcraft if you didnt know the abbreviation- somehow I doubt it though) comes from. Whenever I mention that I play people always look disgusted. How could you play such a game? Its terrible! they cry It'll ruin your life! and on and on they go. But I feel like I'm in the small number of players that aren't actually totally dependent on the game. I've seen what happens when someone gets addicted to WoW and I've heard the stories of people who do nothing but play the game all day.
I enjoy WoW but I dont feel any particular attachment to the game. If I dont play then its just like, so? I'm just acquiring rest experience while I dont play. You could make the arguement its better that I dont play often in that case. Its fun, but its like any other game- its something to play when I want to- and nothing more. It isnt an addiction, I dont play 6 hours a day, 7 days a week and I certainly dont have a server full of level 80's. In fact, I'm a large amount of play time away from having even 1 level 80, and the only reason I got to 60 was because I had triple experience for most of the time while I grinded. So at this rate, I'll get to 80 by the time the cap gets to 90. And given that Wrath of the Lich King just dropped its going to be like 2 years.
However, this is the part where I'm going to be hypocritical and go play some WoW. 3.2.0 just dropped and I need to see how badly they nerfed all my characters.

The Kid
~Platinum

I cant think of an indie enough title for this post...

But then again, maybe I just did.
Fallout boy would be proud.

Anyway, I'm blogging now because, well, there isnt really much else I actually want to do. I feel like I did when I was studying for finals in the library- reluctant to do anything at all besides sit and stare. I'm not really sure why, but I think it has to do with my being so tired of late.
I've been working catering shifts- which often entail basically 10 hours of hard labor and not much else. I'm not actually complaining about the work itself- I think its fun and its a good workout and it certainly helps that the pay isnt half bad either- but the following days after are less then pleasant. What compounds this is that I have to go to Y basically daily to work out for track. So this just makes me more tired. I'm piling layers of tiredness one on top of the other and I never really feel like doing stuff. But I have chores/jobs around the house to do so I do them to. It usually takes me a while to get started but I get them done eventually. Blah. I dont really mind I just feel kind of useless when I'm so tired. all I want to do is sit. How entertaining right? I think another part of that is that I'm kind of depressed. I havent seen the girlfriend in 3 weeks and I havent been able to talk to her for the past week. Shes out of the country and doesnt get service. And my circle of friends that are here in DE is unfortunately quite small, so I havent been able to do much. In short, I miss her. A lot.
But I digress...
Also, I've been sitting here for literally almost the past hour trying to get myself to play a video game but I just can't find one that I want to play. It doesnt help I have a relatively small selection (I'm at my dads and almost all my games are at my moms) but I just still cant get myself to play anything. I find it kind of funny that I finally beat FFX and now I cant get myself to play anything else. Okami requires too much effort to play right now, I dont feel like grinding in Persona 4, I dont want to start any of the devil may cry's, I have no idea where I am in Mass effect, I dont have access to SFIV online and thats the only place I want to play for the challenge, I dont want to grind in Blue Dragon and I dont feel like putting in the thought to make vehicles in Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts.
Thats all I have here.
But, I think that maybe, just maybe, I'll play some Persona 4. If i dont grind through this one day then I dont think I'll ever get anywhere in the game ever again.
Lets see what then, shall we?

The Kid
~Platinum

Okay, so you may not remember me but...

Guess What! Its life update time!!!!

This time around I can't really say that I've been working all the time and that I feel super busy and that I'm tired and blah blah blah... I worked an 11 hour butlering shift on Saturday from 2:30-1:30. It was incredibly tiring. It was a lot of heavy lifting and cardio and dishwashing. I think 5 of those hours were spent doing dishes, 5 were spent picking up and moving stuff and 1 of those was spent catching our breath and eating the wedding food which was just okay. The h'ors devours were good, but the main course was just okay. I didnt get to try the cake or the ice cream, but the dessert plates were pretty good. Yes, the people throwing this wedding had Cake, Ice Cream and Dessert plates. I have no idea why. And I had to be in at 11 on Sunday. That made it even better.
I was tired for like 3 days. Which would mean I was fine starting today... Yea that sounds about right.
Anyway, I started my summer workouts last week and I'm already quite impressed with the results. Those mainly being an extreme lack of energy. However, there seems to be an odd side effect of increased muscle mass. Not sure why. In fact, its a little unsettling sometimes. By the end of the summer I might even be, dare I say it, somewhat muscular? And by the time the winter season starts... actually buff?! Outrageous!
So, because of this mainly I've just been going to the local Y every day to do a workout and then I spend the rest of the day playing Monster Hunter Freedom Unite on my PSP. Exciting times I know.
However, at one point in time, I did have actual goals for my summer. They were kind of thrown out of whack a couple of weeks ago. I guess now I'll tell that story.
So, I have a big list of games that I want to beat this summer, and basically number one on my list is Final Fantasy X. So, I took some time, levelled up my characters and started the final set of boss battles... only to find out that my disc is way to scratched to continue. It just breaks down and freezes. Since then, I haven't had any desire to play any console games at all really. I spent most of may playing SFIV to get ready for returning to school but I havent played much since. I've mainly just been playing on a handheld. I got a different copy of FFX from a friend of mine so maybe actually sitting down and beating it will help me get back on track towards getting through at least part of the list I made up.
Also, I havent read nearly as much of the books that I have as I wanted but this doesnt really bother me. I'm kind of stuck in the book I'm reading now anyway, so its not much of a surprise. Its a great book, dont get me wrong, but for some reason I just cant read a whole lot of it at a time. Its called The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami, who I've recently discovered is my favorite author. If you find yourself in the possession of any of Murakami's works I highly suggest you read them as quick as you can. He writes Magical Realism Fiction and its amazing. His writing style is really unique and I have to admit I've started to compose my thoughts in a similar sort of style. There's now a small little something in the back of my mind to write a magical realism piece and I think I just might. When you've got nothing to do at work aside from stand there, your life can become surprisingly deep and magical.

Big News!!! Its thunderstorming!!!
I love thunderstorms for some odd and unknown reason. They're just... comforting. If they didnt involve rain I'd go sit outside and watch right now. I have to admit I'd kind of like to be struck by lightning at some point in my life just to know what it feels like.

Also, before I forget, I'd like to apologize for my departure from my usual writing style. I can't quite describe why, but right now I just can't write in the style I usually do. I'm going to attribute part of it to the fact that I'm currently listening to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix on audio book, and I listened to the Goblet of Fire for the two weeks previous. The other part is going to go down to something that I just can't quite describe. Right now, it just won't come out the way I want it to. Instead it comes out as, well, this. Its interesting really.
Seriously though, read some Murakami. You'll understand better then.
I suggest; Kafka On the Shore, After Dark, Wild Sheep Chase or The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle.
After Dark is a good introduction, because it isnt quite as out there as some of his other books, but because of this it just really isnt as good as the rest. But any of them are fine, as long as you understand that in no way are you going to understand whats going on for a while in the book, but you shouldnt put it down because of that. Read. Go. Now. I command you!
So, what else is there?
I guess I could talk about the Girl Friend...
We're still dating, and its gotten a bit more serious. I'm really afraid for whats going to happen when I have to go back to school. I'm really not going to want to leave her. I'm not really sure what to say on this matter. Its like, something that is just indescribable. I just can't do it. I try, and I compose the thoughts, but I cant put them down. Sorry, but thats all I can do, is say that.
I'll try and put everything together a bit better at some point. Hopefully soon. I'll definetly be posting stuff before I leave for vacation. It'll be two weeks away. I will have interenet access, but I'm probably not going to update beyond- "Went to the beach. Skimboarded. Got a tan"
That might get boring after a week. Or maybe it wouldn't. How would I know?

All in all my summer is going... well, I'd say. It certainly hasn't been exactly what I've wanted. More personal time than time to better myself but its been good. School wound me up tight, and this summer has so far just been a great way for me to slowly but surely unwind.
However, lately I have started transitioning from personal time to bettering time and my sense of satisfaction and unwinding hasn't really changed, which I take as a good sign.
Next year is going to be a good year. I just know it.

I'd better get going before the thunder knocks out the wireless. We've had a few surges already. Until Next Time! (Which will hopefully be soon...)

The Kid
~Platinum